Enthusiasms. Enthusiasms. Enthusiasms.

"A Mermaid," by John William WaterhouseOil on Canvas, 1901
http://www.jwwaterhouse.com/....
Public Domain

Anyone who gets to know me for even a very short while will know that I have two big interests - mermaids and burlesque.  Some people don't fully understand either one of those, and it is not my goal today to explain or defend my pastimes, except to say that there is much more to me than any one facet might suggest.

For example, two of my other passions are wineries and stage theater, and my home state of Minnesota affords me a wealth of outlets in both cases.

In all of my pursuits, the key word is "community," as I try to be as involved  and encouraging as possible.  It is often the case that I will develop an online relationship with a person or a business long before meeting or patronizing them, and when the propitious moment finally arrives, they recognize me before I introduce myself.  That is always a heartwarming moment for me, as it is universally the case that people will express appreciation for my support.

Burlesque (2010)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1126591/
No Copyright Infringement Intended

There is a fine line between enthusiasm and obsession though, and I do my level best to be on guard for signs of that within my own behavior.  When I recognize it in others, it makes me bristle and causes me a great level of personal discomfort.  I have two examples of this, one personal and one professional.

Long before creating my Facebook profile, I was well aware of one of my former classmates and his daily stream-of-consciousness posts, and how he allegedly put everyone into hysterics.  It was specifically because of him that I waited until October 5, 2010 to open a Facebook account, and soon after that, I began to see his daily posts on a mutual friend's wall.  Note well that "Michelle," as I call her (not her actual name), is a married woman, and that the "gentleman" in question is single.

My favorite drink is "Michelle-o shots."

"The Michelleminator" - my new name for Michelle as she blasts through the walls of unwanted carbs and calories.

My favorite band is Michilli Vanilli.

I would like to see The Simpson's version of Michelle sometime.

One time, Michelle expressed interest in going to the Maldives.  The response?  "Why do you want moldy olives?"  I was not amused.  It was as though she just couldn't have one thing for herself without his having to hijack it somehow.

Garvin Heights Vineyards LLC, Winona, Minnesota
http://www.ghvwine.com/grapes.html
No Copyright Infringement Intended

This involvement in Michelle's life seemingly never ended, and it actually compromised my ability to enjoy Facebook for a time, because I always found myself wanting to come to Michelle's defense - something which, I should add, she never asked me to do.  Although it was not finally my place to take on those concerns, it was nonetheless frustrating, as the whole thing reminded me of various incidents that ultimately led to the dissolution of my marriage.    Thankfully, that was not a concern for Michelle.   Since the former classmate was unreceptive to my uneasiness on this and several other matters, we are no longer Facebook friends, and in-person encounters at larger gatherings are brief and  forced.

Just as I know Michelle personally, we all "know" news anchors in some sense, given that they appear on our television screens, in our living rooms, every night.  Just as with the observations made about my friend, I witnessed something similar unfold on a local television journalist's Facebook profile.

Orpheum Theatre in Minneapolis, Minnesota
http://www.hennepintheatretrust.org/....
Photo Credit:  Mark Vancleave
No Copyright Infringement Intended

One night, I was watching the news, and the anchor - let's call her Linda Belton -  captured my attention, so I opened Facebook to see if she had a fan page.  What I found instead was that she has a personal profile, on which hundreds of members of the public have become her "friends."  Scrolling through the past week of updates, I noticed that one person's name kept appearing over and over, and his writings seemed alternately strange and off-putting to me.

Hey, L-Bell.  You rocked the lodge tonight! 

Loved the earrings you had on tonight, L-Bell!

Rocking the lodge in a yellow blouse!  L-Bell:  an anchor with integrity.

Animotion (Performers of 1984's Obsession )
http://www.animotion-obsession.com/frontpage
Cropped Without Permission
No Copyright Infringement Intended

Never having met Ms Belton in person, it seemed awkward to me to ask her to be my Facebook friend, and I knew that seeing these posts on an almost daily basis would cause no end to my chagrin.  It all became a moot point for Linda Belton after she accepted an opportunity in another market a few months ago, but the man continues to post similar comments on other broadcasters' walls, incessantly calling each one by some pet name that he has contrived.  Speaking very candidly, the guy creeps me out, and his demeanor reminds me very much of the faint memories that I have of the 1982 Morgan Fairchild movie The Seduction.  Thankfully, it is my understanding that the personalities and the stations are well aware of the situation.

The Seduction (1982)
http://www.amazon.com/....
No Copyright Infringement Intended

In closing, let me acknowledge the fact that it would be extremely easy to ignore comments of the sort that I describe above, to accept them as the input of troubled minds, or to consider them with the humor that so many of my peers do.  For me, however, it is just not that simple.  I see interest that becomes obsession and even harassment, and my natural inclination to help, deflect, re-direct, or deter comes into play.  This is further complicated by the fact that I detest cross-chat between commenters.  Apart from further taking the thread away from the original intent of the person who posted the update, cross-chat is completely pointless, unless the people involved stay on the thread and are committed to arguing with someone else.  Whenever I see a hijacked thread now,  my only options are to walk away and to communicate through behind-the-scenes channels.

We all see posts and comments that rub us the wrong way.  How do you handle them?  Do you let them bother you?  Do you say anything, or does it make you cringe when people cross-chat?

Please feel free to share your comments below.

Friendship at a Distance

Spiral Galaxy M101
http://hubblesite.org/gallery/wallpaper/pr2006010a/
NASA, ESA, K. Kuntz (JHU), F. Bresolin (University of Hawaii),
 J. Trauger (Jet Propulsion Lab), J. Mould (NOAO),
Y.-H. Chu (University of Illinois, Urbana), and STScI

Some of my favorite people in the whole world are individuals whom I have never actually met in person.  We know each other only through a mutual interest in an online, family-friendly niche community.

One of these gentle souls is a woman named Marie, who lives in  California.  Having a great deal in common with her and her husband, it caused me some personal distress recently to learn that Marie had a death in her family, a falling out with another family member, and an interaction with a business partner that smacked of disloyalty on his part.

From my vantage point, it was easily one of the worst weeks for Marie since I have known her, perhaps the worst of her entire life.

California to Minnesota
Image obtained from Wikipedia
Link not provided, as it crashed my computer twice

While all of this was taking place, Marie updated her Facebook status to indicate that she was having "grey skies."  Having missed a couple of key details along the way, I did not comprehend the gravity of her situation and responded with some lyrics from the song Put on a Happy Face from the 1960 Broadway play and 1963 movie Bye Bye Birdie.  You can't begin to imagine how bad I felt upon learning the full meaning of her words.

It is at moments such as this that I can feel  particularly useless.  There is only so much that the expression "Let me know if there is anything that I can do for you" accomplishes, especially given a 2,000-mile barrier.  Additionally, due to a typographical error, my *big hugs* came across as *bug hugs*.  As the saying goes, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but I am at a loss to define the nature of a "bug hug."  I find myself weighing the importance of recognition versus being yet another person whose sole offerings are little more than platitudes.

The Thinker (1902)
Musée Rodin - Paris, France
Auguste Rodin (11/12/1840 - 11/17/1917)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thinker
Photo by Daniel Stockman
Creative Commons Attribution -
Share Alike 2.0 Generic License

Marie, her family, and I all know that we would provide more constructive help to each other as needed if it were possible, but given the reality of our geography, this is the very sort of circumstance for which the expression "It's the thought that counts" was coined.

On a separate but related note, it is sometimes the case that a simple "Thinking of you" message can be a valuable tool in cultivating and maintaining friendships, a simple note to express appreciation for having someone in one's life during times when personal and/ or professional obligations make more extensive interaction prohibitive.

My thoughts are with Marie and her family, as well as all of my friends - however I may know them, both in good times and in bad.  I look forward to times when we can visit with each other in person, but until then, our online friendships are no less genuine to me.

How do you handle it when a long-distance friend goes through personal hardships?  Do you respond with words, a sympathy card, or a well-worded private message?  Do you find yourself at a loss as to how best to handle it and find that you ultimately don't handle it at all?  (I have regrettably done that as well.)  Please share your experiences in the comments below.