A Strange Memory

"Grandpa Ralph's Birthday Cake"
Note that my Grandpa's name was William
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I have always had the luxury (for me, at least) of having very close-knit extended families on both my Mom's and Dad's sides of the family.  This June, for example, will mark the 66th Annual Morse Family Reunion, and my Mom's family - the Tschida's - will also be getting together in July.  As I grow older, these times, along with weddings, become more and more cherished, as the only other time we all ever get together en masse is for the solemn occasions of funerals.

Let's turn back the clock twenty-seven years, to April, 1986.   I was fifteen years old, and my sister was ten.  It was my Grandpa Morse's 68th birthday party, and much of his family was present - children and their spouses, grandchildren, several siblings and their spouses.  We we all gathered in my grandparents' living room for the occasion, when in walked "Boris and Natasha," who can best be described as a dominatrix and an executioner.  They were there to perform a "fantasy gram."  I am dubiously pleased to report after having watched a home video of the event this afternoon that my memories are disturbingly accurate.

Candice Michelle as Catwoman
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After singing the birthday dirge, Boris (loosely) wrapped a rope around my Grandpa and introduced Natasha, who went on to ask a series of questions.  My Grandpa was instructed to respond "Yes, Natasha" to each of her inquiries.  After a bit of this nonsense, Natasha then sang a song while removing her dress, leaving her in a black bikini, mask, and nylons.  Before having watched the video, I did a Google Image search and found a great number of photos unsuitable for sharing here, but this image of Candice Michelle as Catwoman comes somewhat close.

Watching the video with 42-year-old eyes, it now seems as though it was not really that big of a deal; however, as I wrote above, I was fifteen at the time and my sister was ten.  Additionally, four of our cousins (who can be heard in the background saying such things as "Who is that lady?") were all under the age of five.  I brought this up to my sister and Mom quite randomly just the other day, and my sister indicated that she did not really understand what was happening at the time, identifying the actors only as "scary Renaissance Festival people."  She further indicated that it now makes her somewhat angry when she occasionally remembers that day.

Wanted:  Boris & Natasha
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It was an over-sexualized brand of entertainment to thrust upon a family gathering where it was well-known in advance that many children would be present, and as such, it was highly inappropriate.  It is with those eyes that I remember that day.  Oddly enough, the people who arranged for the fantasy gram were themselves not even present to witness it taking place.

There is yet another side to this.

We all clearly loved my Grandpa very much, but the fact of the matter was that he could be a real son of a bitch.  We enjoyed dinners at very nice restaurants, went on family vacations with my grandparents, swam at their lake throughout the summer months, and so very much more.  He was a great guy, and I miss him - but he was also impatient, and some of the things he said smacked of racism, sexism, or I-can't-believe-he-just-said-that-ism... and he never heard a swear word that he didn't like.  Family lore is that I said "F*** you" to a babysitter, which was blamed on my Grandpa's influence.  The young lady reportedly never babysat for me again.

Does Memory Reside Outside the Brain?
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Perhaps I watched too much fiction on television, but it was with this side of my Grandpa's personality in mind that the thought crossed my mind - for more than a realistic period of time - that the dominatrix/ executioner act was prelude to killing him.  With ALL of us present, no one would dare to call the police, right?

Thank goodness, there was no grand conspiracy to rid the world of an overall wonderful man, and he wound up living another three years and five months, dying on September 11, 1989.  That date had significance to me long before 2001, and it now has many meanings, some sad, some tragic, and some good ones as well, as it also marked the wedding date for one of my favorite couples.

Do you have memories of a family event that was compromised by a strange or confusing "addition"? Did you ever have a completely outlandish thought about how an otherwise pleasant set of circumstances could go completely awry?  Please share your comments below.