Sometimes, Life Happens All at Once



http://www.expandingtrust.com/....

There is a saying commonly known as "the Chinese curse" that goes "May you live in interesting times."  The corresponding article in Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/....), however, suggests that this expression ultimately originated among English-speakers.

Whatever the origin, it is a good reminder to consider the wording of our wishes with extreme care.

Just today, for example, a friend updated her Facebook status by praying that it would be her last holiday season at an internationally recognized shopping mall.  While getting there in heavy traffic may not be half of the fun, she is getting there after all, and I told her that I hope that she continues to get to wherever she is going - and be safe, happy, healthy, and vibrant - for decades to come.

In February 2003, I had some interesting times of my own.

I worked for a third-party logistics company, as the account manager for one of the nation's leading hot cereal companies.  It afforded me the opportunity to be part of the supply chain, from the warehousing of ingredients to shipping the finished products to distribution centers throughout the United States and Canada.  In the fourth quarter of the previous year, that company was acquired through a buyout, and the new corporate owners announced plans to close the local plant and to transfer manufacturing to another region.  As production phased out, I stayed on and began to assist with other accounts, but there was no new client for me to call my own.  February 24, 2003 was my last day on the job. 

In October, I had separated from my wife (whom I shall call "Cecilia"), and by February, divorce proceedings had begun.  There is not enough space in today's entry to go into any great detail about our relationship, but suffice it to say that many people considered it doomed from the beginning.  One reason for this was that her mother started displaying symptoms of a progressive, degenerative neuro-muscular condition right around the same time that we started going out.  The family's decision was that she stay at home, and that Cecilia and her sister would provide in-home health care.  It soon became obvious that the two young women were not up to the task (nor would I be - let's be abundantly clear about that), and home health aides were introduced.  Their mother's condition gradually worsened, and she passed away at home eighteen weeks to the day before our wedding.  This was an emotional distress that darkened the rest of our time together.  Within two short years, her behaviors created trust issues that should have sounded the death knell immediately, but I saw the circumstances as a personal failure and spent eight generally miserable months attempting to to come to a reconciliation.

Cecilia and I owned a home together, but neither one of us was in a financial position to buy out the mortgage from the other.  Because we had lived there for such a short period of time, the house had appreciated only five percent in value, so we made very little money on its sale, which then, of course had to be split between the two of us.  Both of us were forced with family members temporarily in order to get re-oriented.

Within a space of five months, I lost my spouse, my home, and my job.  http://www.caring.com/articles/10-depression-triggers lists "Losing a job" as the number-one depression trigger, and "Divorce" as the sixth.    These were dark days in my life, but had it not been for the unwavering support of my family, I might have found myself considering even darker decisions.

I can look at these events ten years later and know that, for as painful as they seemed at the time, they helped to shape me into a better person.

http://www.latimes.com/features/food/thanksgiving/
http://www.jazzhostels.com/blog/3724-nyc-christmas-tree-lighting/
http://whycle.wordpress.com/2011/12/28/why-new-years-eve-festivities/
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The story shared above is one not limited to myself, but perhaps manifests itself in other ways to different people.  Life can seem to "happen all at once" for each of us every year around this very time.  The weeks from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day can verge on the overwhelming, as there are three major federal holidays within a six-week period, and the climate of "thankfulness" and "Christmas cheer" can make us feel pressured to see people and participate in activities that we might otherwise avoid.  Recent losses or other bad news can amplify one's discomfort.  I can't encourage you enough to set aside regenerative time for yourself and to connect with people about whom you care very deeply.  Please don't do anything because the calendar says it is a time to be of good cheer, but because it is your own personal wish, and that you want to share that feeling with others 365 days of the year.  On days where that seems less likely, please consider allowing others to share that feeling with you.

Have you had an experience where several bad things happened to you all at once?  How did you get through it?  Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.