It was with great sadness that I learned that my Mom's neighbor Tony died this afternoon, less than seven weeks since another one went on to achieve his own reward in Heaven. Let's take them in reverse order....
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Here is an edited
combination of two of my Facebook status updates from February 7th
and 8th:
Bob lived across the
hall from my Mom for the last couple of years. It used to be the case that I
would participate in a card game with my Mom and her neighbors, but was not
really a constructive way to spend time with her, as a few of them began to make
*everything* increasingly unpleasant. I
have not made much secret of the fact that my Mom's neighbors can be quite
challenging. Some of them have represented to me the embodiments of
unreasonable viewpoints, the devastation of memory, profound loneliness marked
by the need to talk constantly - everything I dread becoming.
Not Bob though. He was a terrific story teller and was very funny. A World War II veteran of the United States Navy, Bob was the
consummate gentleman, funny, and a sharp dresser - everything one hopes to be -
and although he was 88 years old, he never particularly struck me as an
"old man."
The last year was
tough on Bob, but he maintained his spirits, and he never took people down by
discussing his condition in graphic detail.
I learned on
Wednesday (February 6, 2013) that Bob passed away. He shall be greatly missed
by many people.
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Tony lived just down the hall from my Mom with his wife of over sixty years, Marlene. In spite of that, I didn't get to know him as well as Bob, but I liked and respected him based upon our limited interactions and whatever stories my Mom shared. She has been helping to clean their apartment once a week for several years, giving her the opportunity to know both of them very well.
I, on the other hand, would run into Tony occasionally as he traveled the length of the hallway from his apartment to the mailboxes. He was always cheerful and would ask me how I was doing, and no matter what my personal situation was, I would always greet him cordially and tell him that everything was fine. Similar to Bob, Tony was always well-dressed and charming, and I liked him because something about him reminded me of my own Uncle Bruce, and at the age of 94, he too defied the stereotypical "old man," apart from his walker. As we chatted briefly in the hallway, Tony would tell me to say "Hi" to my Mom (which I often forgot to do), and that would be the end of it.
Tony was a veteran of the campaign in Italy serving as a captain in the US Army, 88th Infantry Division "Fighting Blue Devils." In addition to being a husband, he was a father, grandfather, and great-grandfather.
Marlene went out to lunch today with their son Mike, and when the two of them returned, they found Tony in his chair, having passed away peacefully. Since he had not been sick, this came as a complete surprise. Sure, he was 94, but he seemed perfectly healthy. My Mom is torn apart and Marlene is understandably in shock. I am going to miss seeing him in the hallway and wish that I had gotten to know him better.
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My Mom has other neighbors who were World War II veterans, but a few of them strike me as "crotchety." The reality, of course, is that they are widowers with a variety of physical ailments, and the world that they helped to create is leaving them in the dust. As sad as that is, it is difficult to get past all of those filters, and even then, discussions can be littered with comments reeking of sexism, racism, and other ills that make me bristle. Weighing the value of the non-renewable resource versus some of the complications that come with them is a real mental balancing act.
Do you know members of the Greatest Generation? Have you taken time to get to know them, have their personal styles been off-putting to you, or have they not "let you in"? Please share your comments below.
